New fears.........................from K

I used to tell P that my only fear was boredom. Okay, I don't like heights either, but boredom scares me more. And being married to P keeps my biggest fear at bay. P is always good for an unexpected idea (let's quit our jobs and go sailing!) or just jazzing up a dull evening by cooking artichokes and watching a bizarro video. But this sailing adventure has taken me far beyond the fear of boredom into developing fears that I didn't know existed. Last July, I set out so full of enthusiasm that I'd at least learn from our inevitable mistakes. I thought the struggles we'd meet would make me feel stronger, more confident. But instead, now I worry and fear things that haven't even happened yet - just because I know they CAN happen. Ignorance was bliss. But alas, I'm no longer ignorant of hellacious winds or vicious currents or my own nervous clumsiness.

I fear 25+ knot winds now. I fear hitting a shallow reef and ripping off our rudder. I fear docking our boat when the winds are blowing in the opposite direction of the current. I fear smashing my hand between the boat and a piling. I fear inhaling a mouthful of saltwater and drowning when we're diving. Mostly I fear that a bad experience will frighten me away from this adventure.

So, is fear all bad? I don't know. It makes me more cautious. Fear makes me better prepared and it makes me communicate my intentions more clearly. I wish I could say that facing - and surviving - frightening situations makes me feel more confident, but it doesn't - not yet. I still feel like a failure when I miss picking up the mooring ball on the first try. And I forget to congratulate myself when I leap off the gunwale and lash a piling just in time. But I'll keep trying to find confidence out here. I'll keep trying to overcome my new fears - at least I don't have to worry about boredom anymore.

P.S. - I miss you HA & MJ! I had to hang out on Pennekamp Beach with all of the Spring breakers by myself : (

Here are some of my favorite photos - the girls playing in dinghy, HA's dream home, and P fishing: