Unanswered prayers....................from K

When we began this journey, we had said we wanted to use this time to pray. I suppose the idea of prayer means a lot of different things to me. I use prayer to judge my past decisions, to forgive myself for wrongs I’ve done, to send positive energy to my loved ones, to acknowledge a joyful thankfulness for beauty and friendships, and to sort out my feelings on future decisions. I trust prayer. The solitude gives me perspective and the inner dialogue gives me reassurance. But I don’t rely on prayer. I’m always seeking a stronger faith in my reading, my conversations and my relationships. Lately, I find I’m asking more questions rather than finding answers. I won’t say that I’m struggling with my religion right now, but rather I choose to believe that I’m trying to grow in my spirituality.
So, after two and half months of prayer, what have I learned? From our reading list, you can see that we’ve immersed ourselves in everything from New Age mysticism to the history of religions and philosophy to American historical fiction. Not scholarly reading – but an interesting thread is weaved through it all: God has been used and misused by humans for every reason imaginable.

How do I separate (integrate?) the created God from my personal God? When P and I begin our evening meal, we always settle ourselves with a brief prayer. I still begin my reflection with the familiar personification of the loving Father (Mother?) using the name “Lord.” P uses a more encompassing address, “Ground of all being” when beginning his prayer. I’ve grown to love this metaphor of inclusiveness. Living here on the water and measuring our days by the placement of the sun in the sky and depending on the graciousness of ‘strangers’ to overcome our struggles, we have the opportunity to celebrate the unity in our life. The haphazard events in my life fit together more artfully than I had thought, and even sailing around in our little boat doesn't seem so akimbo.

No, I’m not discovering any great answers about my purpose in life out here. But I am seeing the endless possibilities – and the interesting way they are connected.